Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
