Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
