I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
