We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
