i barfeds in our rink
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
