found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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