and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just found a bag of teeth...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
