I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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