I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
