he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
