i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The Olympian is in my bed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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