Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
