You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
