I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
did you just send me my own nude
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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