he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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