i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
