Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
