I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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