The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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