: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
