I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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