So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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