Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize