Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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