I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Randomize