I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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