Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
