well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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