He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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