the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
