i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
