That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
