It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
