I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
