Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
