He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
