RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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