I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
