toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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