Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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