i just had sex bonerless
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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