I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
