If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
