Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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