I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
