have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
