The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
