Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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