I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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