I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize