My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
