Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
