Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i think my cat just said my name.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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