we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There r osticjed everywhere
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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