i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
