Cold hands, warm shart.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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