At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
