Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
