Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
