yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
