You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
