yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
