What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
