There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
