They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
