Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize