i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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