Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
