You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize