i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am midnight drunk by noon
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
