I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
