the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
