I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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