I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
