I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
