i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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