Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
