3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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