just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
