I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
