I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
