This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
