Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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