there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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