you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
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