If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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