I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
