I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
